DOES I LOVE YOU REALLY MEAN THAT??????

1 Corinthians 13:4-7
"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres."
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When someone says I love you, what does that really mean?


Maybe I live in a fairytale world, where when someone says I love you, its supposed to mean that they love you, which means, its: unconditional, without restriction, from the heart,  and without fault.  Now not for everyone, but for the ones  you really put your trust in. I always thought that when you say you love someone, it means that you put them first, you give them your heart and trust and you expect theirs in return. You want them to treat you like you are one of the most important people in their lives and vice versa. You want them to feel and know that they can trust you with anything, again, vice versa.


Now again, maybe I'm living in a fantasy, but this is what I expect. I feel like unless you are willing to love someone this way, then you shouldn't say I love you.


I don't think people stop to think about the one they are with. For starters, if you are not mentally ready to start and maintain a relationship then you shouldn't start one. If you are not capable of truly loving someone unconditionally, then don't say I love you.


Its one thing to be honest about your situation up front, but its another thing to wait until you have someone involved to decide that you aren't ready.


Me personally, I don't say I love you, unless I mean it. I don't have to lie to you about who I am or how I feel. I believe that communication is ONE of the major keys in a relationship. Honesty and Trust are also MAJOR issues. All of these walk hand in hand, and when one key is missing, the entire relationship is going to fail, because the truth will surface when you least expect it.


The phrase actions speak louder than words is such a true statement. Now, what most people don't get is the fact that if you are with someone who truly cares about you, they observe you because they care about you and what you are going through. They want to do anything they can do to help you, if its nothing but listen, or just sit beside you quietly. We take your burdens as our own in an attempt to make you feel better.


Your burdens don't affect us directly outside of watching you suffer, so we can shake it once we take it off of you. Here is where this becomes a problem. If your intentions are to play Superman and carry the weight all by yourself, you are going to make your partner feel left out. With the understanding that some things are just not meant to be shared in a DATING relationship. marriage brings a different set of standards. This is completely justified. However, there is a way to say everything inoffensively so that your partner knows that this is not something that I need to share with you.


When you've shared so much of your life with someone, and they are used to "your way", when something is out of sync, they can tell. We all have problems that we deal with, there are times when you don't feel like being bothered, but again, if you're in a relationship, to fall off and stop talking to someone is completely unacceptable. This means one of a few things, 1) You've moved on and hoping they just let go, 2) You just don't want the relationship anymore and you're not saying that, 3) You're upset with them and either don't know how, or don't want to address the problem, 4) any combination of the above.


As I stated before, COMMUNICATION is a MAJOR key to a SUCCESSFUL relationship. I've learned over the years that lies will hurt you more than the truth ever will. The truth can and will hurt at times, but its a temporary hurt. A lie can often cause permanent scars.


If you have been hurt, then you need to discuss it. Sometimes people are unaware that they have hurt you. Something may have been said, something may have been done, but people don't realize that they have hurt you unless you tell them. Sometimes they say or do things because you have done something that they haven't spoken about.. This is a circle that needs to be broken. TALK ABOUT IT......... Most of the time it was a misunderstanding that caused the whole thing, but instead of being adult about the situation and call it when it happens, you play the retaliation game and you continue to hurt each other until you either hurt your relationship or are forced to talk. At this point, sometimes the relationship cannot be saved, and even if you tried, it wouldn't last very long and you won't be very happy trying to reconcile. Animosity has set in and its best to learn the lesson, let go and  move on.


If the issue is just that you are weighted with different things, then let me be there for you. Here is the problem. If I am supposed to be your woman, then make me feel that way ALL the time. Not just when YOU "feel good".  There may be nothing whatsoever I can do to help you ease the pain, but don't exclude me from your life. If you feel like I'm only good enough for you when times are easy for you, I don't want to be there. I'm not a shallow woman nor am I a judgemental woman. I don't want to be treated like I'm unable.


If you never stopped to think about how that makes me feel, watch me..... ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS. There are several emotions that I deal with at this point. First thing is, you make me feel like you just don't want me in your life. I mean, hey, its easy enough for you to go days without talking to me huh? Well you ask, why don't I try to contact you? Easy answer, when I have the opportunity to contact you, you make it obvious that you don't want to talk, so why should I. Communication works both ways.


UGH this makes me cry......


Secondly, you make me feel like I've done something to you. Well I know that I haven't, or at least I can't recall what I've done and you won't talk to me to tell me, so now I sit back and I kill myself trying to think about what I could have done to initiate the silent treatment.


Thirdly, I see things and I read things, and wonder if what I'm seeing and reading is pertaining to me. Are the words your writing an indirect way of telling me that you are ready to let go? Are you hoping that I read it and make the assumption that you are telling me that I'm not what you want and let go? Or is it truly just your thoughts on paper and has nothing whatsoever to do with me?


With the understanding that sometimes we need a break, sometimes we don't want to talk, what is considered a reasonable amount of time? Most people know very well that sometimes silence is your best friend. Being alone is the best thing you can do for you AND the one you're with, otherwise, in your frustration and being annoyed with the questions, "ARE YOU OKAY, WHAT CAN I DO, HAVE I DONE SOMETHING ETC" and then end up snapping at people, not out of anger, but because you just don't want to be bothered and their attempt to help you becomes more of a nuisance than help.


At what point does one say, I truly don't feel like they want or need me in their lives. They won't talk to me, seems like every "disappearance" is followed by the same excuse and its obvious they don't want me here anymore. As hard as it is, and as bad as I feel about letting go, I have to. Its obvious that whatever is going on, my presence in their life is not required, and its bad enough that they've made me feel like crap, but now I'm beating myself up trying to figure out what I've done. In the process of trying to figure out what I've done, I think I've cried enough to cause a flood, and I am miserable.... BUT WHY???? WHAT DID I DO??????


Once again I'm the one that has to pick up the pieces of my life, because its MORE than obvious that you haven't given me or my feelings a second thought. You think more about people who you swear don't give a shit about you. You can tell them your life story and can't say hello to me. You see that I'm available, I'm here, but you can't say anything to me.


I'm not a priority in your life, they are, but I'm not. It would be too kind to actually make me feel like I have a special place in your life. Your actions aren't walking with your words.


~Sigh~


Okay... well I guess this is where I say that every I love you that came out your mouth was a lie. Its easy enough for me to talk about what I'm going through and how I feel, and its easy enough for people to say, just let go, but every emotion that I have, I can't put into words, and there is only so much justification I can give for holding on. Not that I owe anyone an explanation, but I go to them to vent. I can't depend on the one I'm with to comfort me and let me know that everything is okay.
I have to stop here.. If you took the time to read this much, I really would appreciate your thoughts...